Divorced dad desires DNA disclosure

Dear Amy: I am the father of four sons, divorced from their alcoholic mother 17 years ago when the boys were very young. All of my sons are now in their 20s.

Shortly after my divorce, I learned from a good friend of my ex that she began her long streak of infidelities within the first year of our marriage.

I was aware during my marriage that she was “spending time” with male co-workers, including one man in particular, during a period of time which coincides with the conception of one of my sons.

This particular son does not resemble his brothers. His physical characteristics strongly resemble the male co-worker that I suspect his mom was having a relationship with.

I have questioned for years whether I am his biological father.

For both his sake and mine, and for numerous other reasons, I have considered discussing this with him or getting DNA testing done.

I cannot discuss this with my sons’ mom, because I will never get the truth.

Is it wrong to discuss this with my son and/or get DNA tests to confirm or deny my biological connection to him?

What is your advice?

— Heartsick in the Heartland

Dear Heartsick: It isn’t necessarily wrong to try to discuss this issue with your son, but if you do, you should prepare yourself for a wide range of reactions from him — from possible relief to rejection.

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